Marie what can you say was the reason for your personal healing?
I didn’t waste too much time exploring the illness. Instead I began to explore what I could do to get well.
Without knowing why, I made a commitment to heal my life, (not the illness) and to help others to help themselves to do the same. Again, notice I say I would help others to help themselves. Sharing my story of faith remains a part of my growth and a valuable way I can support others.
I was willing to do what ever it took.
Exploring Spirituality was the last thing I had in mind and the last path I wanted to venture down.
There were many others things I needed to act upon which caused a lot of painful resistance but my commitment and my persistence kept winning the tug-of-war.
I had to shift my perception. I adopted the attitude that it happened for me not to me. This illness was my wake up call to show me that chronic fear was present and driving my life long before the chronic fatigue and pain showed up.
My journey was a constant battle of letting go, surrendering all of my old beliefs and being open to remembering the truth of who I am, before I adopted those beliefs
It’s only in looking back that I can see that my illness was a part of the greater picture in my request and quest to find myself. It’s like I had to lose who I thought I was and all the limitations I put upon myself in order to find who I really am and the full potential that comes naturally with it.
Much later I discovered that we don’t have to get sick to know true well-being and wellness. All we have to do is to be our self right from the beginning and let that be enough. Unfortunately many people have to go through some sort of crisis to wake up to this simple truth.
I learned that as I raised my faith I healed, and I become a natural conduit for others to find themselves or to heal them selves.
I accepted that this passage of healing was a two-way street. As I gave I received.
I learned to raise my self up and to receive my real worth
Remember, I was raising faith and lowering fear and all the while I remembered this I knew I had choices: I could give into fear or I could give into faith. And as fear was my adopted program it would have been easier to give in to that. But somehow Faith was pushing those layers of fearful beliefs up and out. Instead of holding onto those beliefs, all I had to do was to hold onto faith as we went through a very uncomfortable ride.
Over time, I remembered to check to see if the decisions I was making were coming from a place of fear or faith. Being honest about this gave me more choices and even if I was unable to get off the path of fear I knew somewhere deep within that fear would come to an end and real life would go on.
I began to honour my feelings – all of them – and in time I could do this without judgement. This was a huge stepping stone for me. I began to do what I thought was impossible, I started to embrace myself and my own hurts. Self compassion replaced self pity. As I let go of playing the role of a victim I was reintroduced to the inner victor.
And even today, when circumstances are less than satisfactory I ask: What’s the truth in this? Show me the truth? What would love do now? Having asked the question I let it go and I am willing to be shown the answer. And always the answer comes; not always straight away and not always without an inner fight. But, always faith wins and always the answer comes..
It’s funny because I could say I learned a lot about my self, but in truth I feel as if I have simply gone through the process of unlearning and remembering what was always here, right under my nose, right inside … my Faithful Self.